Grieving: How to Be a Survivor
The birth of a child with disabilities is most often followed by an overwhelming sense of grief and loss. At the Foundation's 1996 Annual Conference in Nashville, Tennessee, Carol McDowell, a Certified Grief Therapist, spoke in tandem with Dr. Eileen Ahearn about dealing with the devastating emotions that accompany a diagnosis of CdLS, and how parents can cope with this difficult life event.
One of the handouts Carol passed out after her talk is reprinted here in its entirety. Carol explained that she wrote the article as a presentation for grief counselors in Connecticut, and it was created from a journal entry that she had made when her father died.
Carol said, "When I wrote in my journal, I realized that I didn't want to be a victim, and I didn't want to be a hero in my grief. I wanted to be a survivor. To be a survivor of grief, you may have to ignore your husband, wife, child, mother, father and friends, in order to find something very personal for you and that helps you alone." Carol's reflections on grief apply to individuals experiencing any type of loss.
When a terrible event has happened, or someone has died, the secret is not to be a hero or a victim, but a survivor. Being a survivor means you can feel emotion; be excused from life's normal routine for a time; and be understood if you forget things or space out periodically or wear two different colored socks.
CdLS Outreach USA, published on 11 jun. 1997
